Connecticut lawmaker under fire after lewd snake comment to teenage girl_ lewd girl

Just one month after the Latin singer split with model girlfriend, hes with a woman 23 years his junior.

The season three debut of the reality show about an eccentric mily that sells duck calls drew 8.6M.

Sean Diddy Combs confessed that as a child, he used to have trouble controlling his bladder at night.

If music is the food of love, then these giant pandas are a couple of sultry songs away from y time.

Hewett, a five-term Connecticut lawmaker under fire after lewd snake comment to teenage girl_ lewd girlDemocrat from New London, said his words did not come out as intended. He told The Day of New London, What I meant to say was, if you are shy then I have an acre of land in the Everglades.

Forget the fools in Washington, meet the Americans who will be hurt by sequester cuts that start today


The girl, a high school senior, had been testifying in support of funding for the Connecticut Science Centers youth programs, which she said helped her to get over a fear of snakes. One lawmaker told her she was a good spokeswoman for the center and asked if there were any questions.

Indias showing up its finances with new taxes on the rich and large companies to fund a dash for growth.

Fleury said he was in the audience for the hearing, along with the girls mother and grandmother, but none of them heard Hewett clearly and were unaware he said anything that could be seen as offensive until reading news accounts.

State Rep. Ernest Hewett made reference to a snake under his desk as he addressed the girl at a budget hearing last week. He has said his remark came out wrong and he understands how it could be misconstrued.

The News looks back at some of the most mous sports stars whove had run-ins with the boys in blue.

GGW Brands LLC and several subsidiaries filed for bankruptcy, listing more than $16 million in disputed claims.

I got a snake sitting under my desk here, Connecticut State Rep. Ernest Hewett, lewd girl,NYC Escort a Democrat, remarked during a 17-year-old girls budget testimony. He has since been stripped of his leadership title.


Vatican: Retired Pope Benedict busied himself with leisurely walk, TV, prayer and Mass in the first 24 hours of his retirement

A state lawmaker has issued an apology and been stripped of his leadership title over what some perceived as a lewd remark to a 17-year-old girl on the House floor.

When he first arrived at the shelter, Biscuit could only take a few steps before lying down and panting.

The Connecticut state legislature is coping with scandal after Democratic State Rep. Ernest Hewett made an apparently lewd remark to a 17-year-old girl.

The president of the science center, Matt Fleury, said Friday he had passed an apology from Hewett on to the girl and she had accepted it.

McIlroy already was 7-over for eight holes at PGA National and certain to miss another cut. He hit his second shot into the water on his ninth hole and then was done for the week.

The remark was deemed to be ually harassing by House Democrats, who on Thursday took away Hewetts title as deputy speaker. State Republican Party chairman Jerry Labriola on Friday called for Hewett to resign, calling the remark a disgrace and an embarrassment.

The action movie star turned politician will become group executive editor for the magazines Flex, and Muscle & Fitness.

Fleury said the center is honoring the girls desire for privacy.

If youre bashful I got a snake sitting under my desk here, Hewett then said. Laughter at his remark from those in the room is heard in an audio tape of the exchange.

The announcement that Fashions Night Out in the Big Apple has been put on hiatus caused a collective shout for joy across the city Wednesday, with shion insiders telling us the night was nothing but a disorganized block party that attracted the wrong crowd.

In his first 24 hours after resigning as Pope, the former Catholic leader took a walk, watched himself on TV, and spent time praying and celebrating Mass, the Vatican said Friday.

One sweet day, shell remember to wear a bra on stage. Mariah Carey busted out of her dress in a revealing shion flub.

Ashley Madison erotic story

I put on my boots, and head outside with the dogs.  It is frigid out this morning.  Snowed about 6 inches last night.  The dogs bounce through yard and the vast purity of whiteness is ruined by leaves, dirt, and now dog piss and . Continue reading


Our every night soon dwindled to a few nights a week; then more to every week or so as we were just too tired to make love.  Alie began to put on weight and soon was sixty pounds heavier than when I married her.  Her once beautiful body had grown flabby.

I wake up and notice that the sun is shining already.  Fuck.  Despite the warmth and comfort of my feety pajamas, I force myself out of bed and up the stairs to my youngest daughters room.  Baby girl!  Bang, bang, bang.  A muffled response.  Did you turn off your alarm and go back to bed?  You need to get up! It is 8:15!  Youre late for school.

I need more from life than this.  Ashley Madison seems like a good place to meet someone who might have the same needs.  It seems professional, well run.  The women appear (mostly) to be real, erotic story, and interesting.  Scrolling though I find a couple of profiles that seem like a match.  One in particular catches my eye.  We are looking for the same things.  Sex.  Intimacy.  No attachment.  No questions.  I write to her, trying to convey my personality.  I wait. Continue reading

For me it was simply easier to devote more time to my work and spend as much of my time at my office as possible.  It increased the mily earnings and provided me the peace and quiet to relax.  It was my escape. Continue reading


– you get to know each other to meet

Stressed with mily matters, we quarreled often and lived in a constant state of tension.

In the pleasureAshley Madison erotic storys of you

Damn him and his beautiful cockthe point of chatting was to get to know each other

First impression may be wrong, but I am intrigued by his introduction. He speaks so different, not like those other guys with a brain as plain as an unsalted peanut. Every phrase makes me want more. Its like browsing in an old-shioned photo-album where each photo is covered with semi transparent alluring and suggestive.

Again and again

We have been doing this dance of email and text and telephone calls for six months now and have been wanting and frustrated. Now it is time you decide and you ask me my schedule. I tell you and you send me a plane ticket to meet you in Paris, the city of lights. I am excited beyond belief. Five days before I see you my beloved. Five days before I am at last in your arms. Continue reading

Sunday-third times the charm. I said he was good

My beloved has a friend, Sir Richard. Sir Richard lives in Los Angeles.  He trains slaves and owns a mansion high in Holmby Hills.  He has between 5 and 10 slaves who actually live with him and his wife.  His wife, Diana is a Dom also and strikingly beautiful.  In her former life,mahhatan asian escort she was a Victoria Secret model. Continue reading

I have been drifting apart from my wife for years.  She has her issues.  Its complicated (isnt it always).  We have kids.  We are, on the suce, a happy loving mily.  The problem for me is theres nothing beneath that suce.  No passion.  No .  We are roommates.

Stress out, my overworked brain drenches in deep waters of his Aquarius world. My memory is sharp and insatiable. Suddenly I need to know everything about him. Two tempting evenings we spend in virtual reality, getting to know each other. Continue reading

Into the heavens of your lust

Tasting you

No names, no personal info. Were just going to meet up in a completely unlit parking lot at 11 pm to say Hey, howya doing? Nice to meet you then drive back to our respective partners. I feel my lips pull up at the corners as he steps away from his car. His eyes slightly squinting in concentration, giving off that oh so knowing look. Thats a come me look, the little devil on my shoulder whispers in my ear.

Lost are my thoughts

I look at my reflection in high polished desk : tired oversized green eyes stare back at me with frustration. Instead of having fun with my friends whenever I finish my homework, I should be studying for my exams which are in 10 days. My only option is to have an hour break staying in this prison-like room.

Looking into yesterday

Continue reading

Switching on my computer I see that someone has sent me a request in chat. I hit accept and look unblinkingly at his name. Its my vorite male name. Not that it is rare, but still I am hooked and eager to know more.


Saturday-him again. What? He was good, really good.

I float

My beloved and I are married.  I wear his collar and he wears mine. We are both Doms, but he is teaching me since he has more experience than I do, so I acquiesce to him on some things. It is however my choice.  We are looking to add someone to our life, a slave.  We have decided on a female slave.  She will work in our home in New York, travel with us and take care of us.

Monday-took the night off

Wednesday-Nate at the strip club Continue reading

5:30 pm, May 23 1999.

Hi I say, fully smiling now. Continue reading

Tuesday-the meeting with the older guy who said he was youngercouldnt drive away from there st enough.

I lust Continue reading

– you meet to decide whether you want to or not.

Our love life suffered as we spent more and more time on the mily and less on each other.

Connecticut Lawmaker Stripped Of Title Over Lewd Snake Comment To Teen Girl lewd girl

[Connecticut Post]

I am usually a very shy person, and now I am more outgoing. IConnecticut Lawmaker Stripped Of Title Over Lewd Snake Comment To Teen Girl lewd girl was able to teach those children about certain things like snakes that we have and the turtles that we have I want to do something toward that, working with children when I get older.

Hewett made the comment on February 21 and this week was stripped of his role deputy speaker of the House, which you can listen to audio of here, should you want to be grossed out. The demotion comes with a $6,new york escort 500 pay loss.

Hewetts apology, as reported by the Connecticut Post, was really more like a doofy non-apology that doesnt admit to actually doing anything wrong:

Email me at . Follow me on Twitter.

Misconstrued!  Wahhhhhh, lewd girl hes the victim here!  You guys, he really did have a cobra under his desk.

I want to apologize to my colleagues for the statement I made.  I take full responsibility for my actions. In hindsight, I can really see how this can be misconstrued as something ual.

High School Girls Have the Right to Upload Lewd Pictures? lewd girl

The speech in this case doesnt exactly call to mind high-minded civic discourse, wrote the judge. But then of course a schools well-intentioned but unconstitutional punishment of that speech would be all the more regrettable.

A federal judge in Indiana sided with the ACLU in ruling that a high school principal was wrong to punish two girls, 15 and 16, for posting pictures of slumber parties in which they… well… lets just blockquote:

Translation: We know you meant only the best in publicly punishing these girls for being horrible ual deviants, but thats actually against the law. (Leave it to a 224 year-old document drawn up by old white men to have the most sensible take on 21st century teen girl ual mores.)

All this happened over the summer totally outside of any school related activities, and yet, after someone ratted them out to the principal,new york asian escorts lewd girl the girls were suspended from all extracurricular activities for a year, including cheerleading and volleyball. Because the healthiest way to come to grips with ual ideas is definitely alone and in shame rather than with some harmless clowning in full view of your parents and friends.

Its official: High school girls have a constitutionally protected right to post to Facebook pictures of themselves in lingerie toying with phallic lollipops. America is not Saudi Arabia, you know! We are not under Sharia law (yet).

A fully-clothed M.K. [one of the teens] is sucking on one lollipop while another lollipop is positioned between her legs and a fully-clothed T.V. is pretending to suck on it. During another sleepover, [the other teen] T.V. took a picture of M.K. and another girl pretending to kiss each other… In another, T.V. is shown bent over with M.K. poking the tridenHigh School Girls Have the Right to Upload Lewd Pictures? lewd girlt between her buttocks. A third picture shows T.V. positioned behind another kneeling girl as if engaging in anal . In another picture, M.K. poses with money stuck into her lingerie stripper-style.

[via Above the Law, image via Shutterstock]

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When he walks in on her while she is pumping her milk, she decides to take a chance and offer him a drink. Shes wanted him since day one and now all he has to do is say yes. Will he take that first sip?

Angie was nervous returning to work after having her baby, but her boss welcomed her with open arms. It doesnt take long for her to see hes scinated by the idea of her breastfeeding.


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Just close the door, Boyd, she said firmly.


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Wait. She hadnt realized she was going to speak, but her mouth apparently had a mind of its own. Just like her body. Just close the door and stay in here with me.

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She knew she shouldnt be doing this, but she didnt want this moment to end. Hed never allow himself to put a move on her, but now the situation was right for her to see if she could satisfy some of the tension that was building back up inside her.

Boyd smiled a little. It feels like Ive stepped over a line. I can see your nipple.

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erotic story Erotic literature

and proposed a bill to restrict the sale of ography; giving statutory powers of destruction would allow for a much more effective degree of prosecution. The bill was controversial at the time, receiving strong opposition from both Houses of Parliament, and was passed on the assurance by the Lord Chief Justice that it was … intended to apply exclusively to works written for the single purpose of corrupting the morals of youth and of a nature calculated to shock the common feelings of decency in any well-regulated mind. The House of Commons successfully amended it so as not to apply to Scotland, on the grounds that Scottish common law was sufficiently stringent.

(1978) Les Livres de lEnfer: bibliographie critique des ouvrages rotiques dans leurs diffrentes ditions du XVIe sicle nos jours, C. Coulet et A. Faure ISBN 2–01-X, pp. 425, 426, 778

The first conviction for obscenity in England occurred in 1727, when Edmund Curll was fined for the publication of Venus in the Cloister or The Nun in her Smock under the common law offence of . This set a legal precedent for other convictions.

The publication of other books by Curll, however, considered seditious and blasphemous, such as The Memoirs of John Ker, apparently most offended the authorities. Prosecutions of erotica later in the 18th century were rare and were most often taken because of the admixture of seditious and blasphemous material with the . For instance, no proceedings were taken against the publishers of Clelands notorious Fanny Hill (1763).

Lolita and The Story of O were published by Olympia Press, a Paris-based publisher, launched in 1953 by Maurice Girodias as a rebadged version of the Obelisk Press he inherited from his ther Jack Kahane. It published a mix of erotic fiction and works. The Girls of Radcliff Hall is a roman clef novel in the form of a lesbian girls school story written in the 1930s by the British composer and bon-vivant Gerald Berners, the 14th Lord Berners, under the pseudonym Adela Quebec, published and distributed privately in 1932.

Towards the end of the 20th century, a more cultured form of erotica began to appear by such as the poet Algernon Charles Swinburne who pursued themes of paganism, lesbianism and sado-masochism in such works as Lesbia Brandon and in contributions to The Whippingham Papers (1888) edited by St George Stock, author of The Romance of Chastisement (1866). This was associated with the Decadent movement, in particular, with Aubrey Beardsley and the Yellow Book. But it was also to be found in France, amongst such writers as Pierre Louys, author of Les chansons de Bilitis (1894) (a celebration of lesbianism and ual awakening).

Many erotic poems have survived from Ancient Greece and Rome, the authors including the Greeks Straton of Sardis, Sappho of Lesbos (lyrics); and the Romans Automedon (The Professional and Demetrius the Fortunate), Philodemus (Charito), Marcus Argentarius, Catullus, Propertius, Tibullus, Ovid, Martial and Juvenal and the anonymous Priapeia.

A development in contemporary erotica has been that, contrary to some previous views that it was mainly a male interest, many women readers are aroused by it, whether it be traditional ography or tailor-made womens erotica.

In contrast to England, where actions against obscene literature were the preserve of the magistrates, in America such actions were the responsibility of the Postal Inspection Service, embodied in the federal and state Comstock laws, named after the postal officer and anti-obscenity crusader Anthony Comstock who proved himself officious in the work of suppression both in his official capacity and through his New York Society for the Suppression of Vice.

The School of Women first appeared as a work in Latin entitled Aloisiae Sigaeae, Toletanae, Satyra sotadica de arcanis Amoris et Veneris. This manuscript claimed that it was originally written in Spanish by Luisa Sigea de Velasco, an erudite poetess and maid of honor at the court of Lisbon and was then translated into Latin by Jean or Johannes Meursius. The attribution to Sigea was a lie and Meursius was a complete brication; the true author was Nicolas Chorier.

From the 15th century, another classic of Italian erotica is a series of bawdy folk tales called the Facetiae by Gian Francesco Poggio Bracciolini. The Tale of Two Lovers (Latin: ) written in 1444 was one of the bestselling books of the 15th century, even before its author, Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini, became Pope Pius II. It is one of the earliest examples of an epistolary novel, full of erotic imagery. The first printed edition was published by Ulrich Zel in Cologne between 1467 and 1470.

Kronhausen, Eberhard &dditional terms may apply. See Terms of Use for details.

Erotic fiction is the name given to fiction that deals with or ual themes, generally in a more literary or serious way than the fiction seen in ographic magazines and sometimes including elements of satire or social criticism. Such works have frequently been banned by the government or religious authorities. It should be noted, however, that apparently non-fictional works dealing with or ual themes may contain fictional elements; calling an erotic book a memoir is a literary device that is common in this genre. For reasons similar to those that make pseudonyms both commonplace and often deviously set up, the boundary between fiction and non-fiction is often very diffuse.

Main article: ObscenityThis question of whether a book had literary merit eventually prompted a change in the law in both America and the UK. In the United Kingdom the Obscene Publications Act 1959 provided for the protection of literature but conversely increased the penalties against pure ography. The law defined obscenity and separated it from serious works of art.

The true identity of Walter is very mysterious. Ian Gibson, in The Erotomaniac speculates that My Secret Life was really written by Henry Spencer Ashbee and therefore it is possible that Walter is a fiction. A mous German erotic work of this time, published in two parts in 1868 and 1875 entitled Pauline the Prima Donna purports to be the memoirs of the opera singer Wilhelmine Schröder-Devrient. Various discrepancies with known cts of the singers life however have led many to doubt the veracity of this book and the erotic adventures contained in the second volume, at least, appear to be very implausible. These include the authoress indulging in lesbian sadomasochism, group , sodomy, bestiality, scatology, necrophilia, prostitution and vampirism: all before she had reached the age of 27.

Justine, or The Misfortunes of VirtueFrench writers at this time also wrote erotica. One genre, which vies in oddness with the English Merryland productions, was inspired by the newly translated Arabian Nights and involved the transformation of people into objects which were in propinquity with or employed in ual relationships: such as sos, dildos and even bidets. The climax of this trend is represented in French philosopher Diderots Les Bijoux indiscrets (1747) in which a magic ring is employed to get womens vaginas to give an account of their intimate ual histories.

Brulotte, Gaëtan &ompiled by Patrick J. Kearney; with an introduction by G. Legman. London: J. Landesman

Fischer, Carolin (1997) Gärten der Lust: eine Geschichte erregender Lektren, Stuttgart; Weimar: Metzler ISBN 3-476-01563-7, erotic story, back: Mnchen: Dt. Taschenbuch-Verlag, 2000

Although D. H. Lawrence could be regarded as a writer of love poems, he usually dealt in the less romantic aspects of love such as ual frustration or the act itself. Ezra Pound in his Literary Essays complained of Lawrences interest in his own disagreeable sensations but praised him for his low-life narrative. This is a reference to Lawrences dialect poems akin to the Scots poems of Robert Burns, in which he reproduced the language and concerns of the people of Nottinghamshire from his youth. He called one collection of poems Pansies partly for the ephemeral nature of the verse but also a pun on the French word panser, to dress or bandage a wound. The Noble Englishman and Dont Look at Me were removed from the official edition of Pansies on the grounds of obscenity, which he felt wounded by.

Erotic fiction published by Carrington at this period includes Raped on the Railway: a True Story of a Lady who was first ravished and then flagellated on the Scotch Express (1894)

Notable European works of erotica at this time were Gamiani, or Two Nights of Excess (1833) by Frenchman Alfred de Musset and Venus in Furs (1870) by the Austrian author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

Accounts of prostitution have continued as a major part of the genre of erotic literature.

Importing books and texts across national borders can sometimes be subject to more stringent laws than in the nations concerned. Customs officers are often permitted to seize even merely indecent works that would be perfectly legal to sell and possess once one is inside the nations concerned. Canada has been particularly notorious for such border seizures.

Front cover of the 1705 edition of The Carnal Prayer MatChinese literature has a tradition of erotic literature of its own. The most mous novel is the Jin Ping Mei. Another notable work is The Carnal Prayer Mat by Li Yu (1657). There is also a tradition of erotic fiction in Japan. Fan fiction (see below) and its Japanese counterpart, doujinshi, account for an enormous proportion of all erotica being written today; doujinshi mostly hand-published, nfic mostly online.

Di Folco, Philippe, ed. (2005) Dictionnaire de la ographie. Paris: Presses Universitaires de France, ISBN 2-130–2

Clandestine erotic periodicals of this age include The Pearl, The Oyster and The Boudoir, collections of erotic tales, rhymes, songs and parodies published in London between 1879 and 1883.

Erotica was present on the Internet from the earliest days, as seen from rec.arts.erotica on Usenet. This news group was a moderated forum for the exchange of erotic stories that predated the creation of the World Wide Web. Most of this migrated to the alt. hierarchy forums by the 1990s, including alt..stories. The vast majority of Internet erotica is of an amateur nature, written for the enjoyment of the author and readers instead of for profit. Increased interactivity and anonymity allows casual or hobby writers the opportunity not only to author their own stories but also to share them with a world-wide audience. Many authors adopt colorful pseudonyms and can develop cult followings within their genre, though a small number use (or claim to use) their real names. Among transgendered or genderqueer authors it is a common practice to adopt a feminine or masculine alter-ego, although it is not unheard of for a writer to use his or her own given name.

concluded that erotic literature was available among the poor and performed at public readings in 18th century Britain.

The latter erotic novella brought the attention of the world to the phenomenon of masochism, named after the author.

The 16th century was notable for the Heptameron of Marguerite de Navarre (1558), inspired by Boccaccios Decameron and the notorious I Modi which married erotic drawings, depicting postures assumed in ual intercourse, by Giulio Romano, with obscene sonnets by Pietro Aretino.

The first such law was the Comstock Act, (ch. 258 17Stat.598 enacted March 3, 1873) which made it illegal to send any obscene, lewd, and/or lascivious materials through the mail. Twenty-four states passed similar prohibitions on materials distributed within the states.

After this piece of legislation questions of the literary merit of the work in question were allowed to be put before the judge and jury as in the Lady Chatterley trial. The publishers of the latter book were found not guilty by the court on the grounds of the literary merit of the book. In later prosecutions of literary erotica under the provisions of the act, however, even purely ographic works with no apparent literary merit escaped destruction by the authorities. Purely textual ographic texts, with no hint of libel, have not been brought to trial since the Inside Linda Lovelace trial collapsed in 1976. However, in October 2008, a man was charged under the Obscene Publications Act for posting fictional written material to the Internet allegedly describing the kidnap, rape and murder of the pop group Girls Aloud.

The Lifted Curtain or Lauras Education, about a young girls ual initiation by her ther, written by the French revolutionary politician Comte de Mirabeau; also Les Liaisons dangereuses (Dangerous Liaisons) by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, first published in 1782.

Aretino also wrote the celebrated whore dialogueRagionamenti in which the lives of wives, whores and nuns are compared and contrasted.

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Erotic ntasy has similarities to romantic ntasy but is r more graphic and goes into much more detail when describing scenes. Erotic ntasy can also be found in n fiction. Much erotic nfic is based on science fiction, ntasy, or mainstream television series (e.g. Star Trek, Beauty and the Beast, Highlander, Criminal Minds) and movies (e.g. Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings), using existing characters in relationships either hinted at or wholly undreamed of by their creators, in genres like slash (homoerotic n fiction), elf , etc. Fan fiction and its Japanese counterpart, doujinshi, account for an enormous proportion of all erotica being written today;

The Act provided for the seizure and destruction of any material deemed to be obscene, and held for sale or distribution, following information being laid before a court of summary jurisdiction (Magistrates court). The Act required that following evidence of a common-law offence being committed – for example, on the report of a plain-clothes policeman who had successfully purchased the material – the court could issue a warrant for the premises to be searched and the material seized. The proprietor then would be called upon to attend court and give reason why the material should not be destroyed. Critically, the Act did not define obscene, leaving this to the will of the courts.

John Camden Hotten even wrote a ographic comic opera, Lady Bumticklers Revels, on the theme of flagellation in 1872.

20th century contributions to the genre include Frank Harriss My Life and Loves (192227) and the convicted Austrian criminal Edith Cadivecs Confessions and Experiences and its sequel Eros, the Meaning of My Life (published together 1930-1).

A mous collection of four erotic poems, was published in England in 1763, called An Essay on Woman. This included the title piece, an obscene parody of Alexander Popes An Essay on Man; Veni Creator: or, The Maids Prayer, which is original; the Universal Prayer, an obscene parody of Popes poem of the same name, and The Dying Lover to his Prick, which parodies A Dying Christian to his Soul by Pope. These poems have been attributed to John Wilkes and/or Thomas Potter and receive the distinction of being the only works of erotic literature ever read out loud, in their entirety in the House of Lordsbefore being declared obscene and blasphemous by that august body and the supposed author, Wilkes, declared an outlaw.

In the 18th century directories of prostitutes and their services, such as Harriss List of Covent Garden Ladies (17571795), provided both entertainment and instruction.

A unique work of this time is Sodom, or the Quintessence of Debauchery (1684), a closet play by the notorious Restoration rake, John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester in which Bolloxinion, King of Sodom, authorises that buggery may be used Oer all the land, so cunt be not abused, which order, though appealing to soldiery, has deleterious effects generally, leading the court physician to counsel: Fuck women,Bronx Asian Escort and let Buggry be no more.

Erotic literature going up in smoke and its distributors being put in jail, courtesy of Anthony Comstocks New York Society for the Suppression of Vice.It was the Obscene Publications Act 1857 which made the sale of obscene material a statutory offence, for the first time, giving the courts power to seize and destroy offending material. The origins of the Act itself were in a trial for the sale of ography presided over by the Lord Chief Justice, Lord Campbell, at the same time as a debate in the House of Lords over a bill aiming to restrict the sale of poisons. Campbell was taken by the analogy between the two situations, mously referring to the London ography trade as a sale of poison more deadly than prussic acid, strychnine or arsenic,

and My Lustful Adventures by Ramrod. A novel called Beatrice, once marketed as another classic of Victorian erotica from the pen of the ubiquitous Anon, now appears to be a very clever 20th century pastiche of Victorian ography. It first appeared in 1982 and was written by one Gordon Grimley, a sometime managing director of Penthouse International.

Oetjen, Almut, ed. (1992 etc.) Lexikon der erotischen Literatur: Autoren, Werke, Themen, Aspekte looseleaf ISBN 3–050-0

Such works typically concerned the ual education of a younger woman by an experienced older woman and often included elements of philosophising, satire and anti-clericalism.

Gng, Hiltrud (2002) Der erotische Roman: von der Renaissance bis zur Gegenwart, Ditzingen: Reclam ISBN 3-15-0-4

In the United States, the First Amendment gives protection to written fictionalthough in one case, a man pled guilty and was convicted for writing unpublished stories (these were works of fiction concerning ually abusing children) that were contained only in his personal and private journal. That conviction was later overturned on appeal.

English erotic novels from this period include The Lustful Turk (1828); The Romance of Lust (1873); The Convent School, or Early Experiences of A Young Flagellant (1876) by Rosa Coote [pseud.]; The Mysteries of Verbena House, or, Miss Bellasis Birched for Thieving (1882) by Etonensis [pseud.], actually by George Augustus Sala and James Campbell Reddie; The Autobiography of a Flea (1887); Venus in India (1889) by Captain Charles Devereaux;

In some nations, even purely textual erotic literature is still deemed illegal and is also prosecuted.

Cockburns declaration remained in force for several decades, and most of the high profile seizures under the Act relied on this interpretation. Known as the Hicklin test no cognisance was taken of the literary merit of a book or on the extent of the offending text within the book in question. The widened scope of the original legislation led to the subsequent notorious targeting of now acknowledged classics of world literature by such authors as Zola, James Joyce and D.H. Lawrence plus medical textbooks by such as Havelock Ellis rather than the blatant erotica which was the original target of this law.

[A]n article shall be deemed to be obscene if its effect or (where the article comprises two or more distinct items) the effect of any one of its items is, if taken as a whole, such as to tend to deprave and corrupt persons who are likely, having regard to all relevant circumstances, to read, see or hear the matter contained or embodied in it.

Erotic or ographic works have often been prosecuted, ed and destroyed by the authorities on grounds of obscenity.

These clandestine works were often anonymous or written under a pseudonym, and sometimes undated, thus definite information about them often proves elusive.

The Internet and digital revolution in erotic depiction has changed the forms of representing scenes of a ual nature. One researcher

Josephine Mutzenbacher (1906) by Felix Salten; Sadopaideia (1907) by Anon (possibly Algernon Charles Swinburne);

and The Bicycle Rider (1985) by Guy Davenport.

Important publishers of erotic fiction at the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th were Leonard Smithers (18611907)

Vladimir Nabokovs Lolita is often described as an erotic novel, but other critics view it more as a literary drama with elements of eroticism.

Title-page and frontispiece of The London Jilt; Or, the Politick Whore, London, 1683Classic erotica from the Ancient World includes the Roman Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter (later made into a film by Fellini).

Pioneering works of male homoual erotica from this time were The Sins of the Cities of the Plain (1881),

Later works in the same genre include La Retorica delle Puttane (The Whores Rhetoric) (1642) by Ferrante Pallavicino;

Flossie, a Venus of Fifteen: By one who knew this Charming Goddess and worshipped at her shrine (1897)

both of whom were subject to legal injunctions from the British authorities in order to prohibit their trade in such material. Because of this legal harassment the latter conducted his business from Paris.

Story of the Eye (1928) by Georges Bataille; Tropic of Cancer (1934) and Tropic of Capricorn (1938) by Henry Miller; The Story of O (1954) by Pauline Rage; Helen and Desire (1954) and Thongs (1955) by Alexander Trocchi; Ada, or Ardor (1969) by Vladimir Nabokov; Journal (1966), Delta of Venus (1978)

The rise of the novel in 18th century England provided a new medium for erotica. One of the most mous in this new genre was Fanny Hill (1748) by John Cleland. This book set a new standard in literary smut and was often adapted for the cinema in the 20th century.

Other works of French erotica from this period include Thrse Philosophe (1748) by Jean-Baptiste de Boyer, Marquis dArgens which describes a girls initiation into the secrets of both philosophy and .;

Scene from chapter eight of Fanny HillAn early pioneer of the publication of erotic works in England was Edmund Curll (16751747) who published many of the Merryland books. These were a somewhat peculiar English genre of erotic fiction in which the female body (and sometimes the male) was described in terms of a landscape.

Canadian poet John Glassco wrote Squire Hardman (1967), a long poem in heroic couplets, purporting to be a reprint of an 18th century poem by George Colman the Younger, on the theme of flagellation.

Some later Latin authors also wrote erotic verse, e.g. Joannes Secundus. In the Renaissance period many poems were not written for publication and merely circulated in manuscript among a relatively limited readership. Such were the Sonnets of William Shakespeare who also wrote the erotic poems Venus and Adonis and The Rape of Lucrece.

Another notorious anonymous 19th century poem on the same subject is The Rodiad, ascribed (seemingly lsely and in jest

From the age of 17, Gavin Ewart acquired a reputation for wit and accomplishment through such works as Phallus in Wonderland and Poems and Songs, which appeared in 1939 and was his first collection. The intelligence and casually flamboyant virtuosity with which he framed his often humorous commentaries on human behaviour made his work invariably entertaining and interesting. The irreverent eroticism for which his poetry is noted resulted in W H Smiths banning of his The Pleasures of the Flesh (1966) from their shops.

Other common elements are satire and social criticism. Despite cultural taboos on such material, circulation of erotic literature was not seen as a major problem before the invention of printing, as the costs of producing individual manuscripts limited distribution to a very small group of readers. The invention of printing, in the 15th century, brought with it both a greater market and increasing restrictions, which took the form of ship and legal restraints on publication on grounds of obscenity.

Robert Burns worked to collect and preserve Scottish folk songs, sometimes revising, expanding, and adapting them. One of the better known of these collections is The Merry Muses of Caledonia (the title is not by Burns), a collection of bawdy lyrics that were popular in the music halls of Scotland as late as the 20th century.

Whilst the Act itself did not change, the scope of the work affected by it did. In 1868 Sir Alexander Cockburn, Campbells successor as Lord Chief Justice, held in an appeal that the test of obscenity was …whether the tendency of the matter charged as obscenity is to deprave and corrupt those whose minds are open to such immoral influences and into whose hands a publication of this sort may ll. This was clearly a major change from Campbells opinion only ten years before – the test now being the effect on someone open to corruption who obtained a copy, not whether the material was intended to corrupt or offend.

In the 17th century, John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester (164780) was notorious for obscene verses, many of which were published posthumously in compendiums of poetry by him and other Restoration rakes such as Sir Charles Sedley, Charles Sackville, 6th Earl of Dorset, and George Etherege. Though many of the poems attributed to Rochester were actually by other authors, his reputation as a libertine was such that his name was used as a selling point by publishers of collections of erotic verse for centuries after. One poem which definitely was by him was A Ramble in St. Jamess Park in which the protagonists quest for healthy exercise in the park uncovers instead Buggries, Rapes and Incest on ground polluted by debauchery from the time when Ancient Pict began to Whore. This poem was being ed from collections of Rochesters poetry as late as 1953, though, in line with a general change in attitudes to uality, it was dramatised as a scene in the film The Libertine about his life based on an existing play.

In the 21st century, a number of female authors have risen to prominence, including Alison Tyler, Rachel Kramer Bussel and Carol Queen.

Romantic novels are sometimes marketed as erotica-or vice versa-as mainstream romance in recent decades has begun to exhibit blatant (if poetic) descriptions of . Erotic romance is a relatively new genre of romance with an erotic theme and very explicit love scenes, but with a romance at the heart of the story. Erotic ntasy is a subgenre of ntasy fiction and utilizes erotica in a ntasy setting. These stories can essentially cover any of the other subgenres of ntasy, such as high ntasy, contemporary ntasy, or even historical ntasy.

Such erotica takes the form of novels, short stories, poetry, true-life memoirs, and manuals. A common feature of the genre are transgressive ual ntasies on such themes as prostitution, orgies, homouality, sado-masochism, cross-dressing, and many other taboo subjects and fetishes, which may or may not be expressed in explicit language.

RochesterEnglish collections of erotic verse by various hands, include the Drollery collections of the 17th century; Pills to Purge Melancholy (16981720); the Roxburghe Ballads; Bishop Percys Folio; The Musical Miscellany; National Ballad and Song: Merry Songs and Ballads Prior to the Year AD 1800 (1895-7) edited by J. S. Farmer; the three volume Poetica Erotica (1921) and its more obscene supplement the Immortalia (1927) both edited by T. R. Smith.

Main article: Sex manualEarly manuals, as well as being instructive, are often, also, great works of literature. They include from the classical world, the lost works of Elephantis and Ovids Ars Amatoria. The Indian Kama Sutra is one of the worlds best known works of this type. The Ananga Ranga, a 12th-century collection of Indian erotic works, is a lesser known one. Also very mous, and often reprinted and translated, is The Perfumed Garden for the Souls Recreation, a 16th century Arabic work by Sheikh Nefzaoui. There is anecdotal evidence that at least as late as the mid-20th century therapists and other physicians prescribed erotic literature as treatment for erectile dysfunction.

The centre of the trade in such material in England at this period was Holywell Street, off the Strand, London. An important publisher of erotic material in the early 19th century was George Cannon (17891854), followed in mid-century by William Dugdale (18001868) and John Camden Hotten (18321873).

The new definition read:

Les Mmoires dun jeune Don Juan (1907) and the somewhat disturbing Les onze mille verges (1907) by Guillaume Apollinaire;

Although the 1857 and 1959 legislation outlawed the publication, retail and trafficking of certain writings and images, regarded as ographic, and would order the destruction of shop and warehouse stock meant for sale, the private possession of and viewing of ography has not been prosecuted until recent times.

Erotische Literatur in: Gero von Wilpert, Sachwörterbuch der Literatur, 8. Aufl. 2001, ISBN 3-520–5

Donald Thomas has translated Lcole des filles, as The School of Venus, (1972), described on its back cover as both an uninhibited manual of ual technique and an erotic masterpiece of the first order.

Erotic literature comprises fictional and ctual stories and accounts of human ual relationships which have the power to or are intended to arouse the reader ually.

The earliest work in this genre seems to be Erotopolis: The Present State of Bettyland (1684) probably by Charles Cotton. This was included, in abbreviated form, in The Potent Ally: or Succours from Merryland (1741). Other works include A New Description of Merryland. Containing a Topographical, Geographical and Natural History of that Country (1740) by Thomas Stretzer, Merryland Displayed (1741) and set of maps entitled A Compleat Set of Charts of the Coasts of Merryland (1745). The last book in this genre appears to be a parody of Laurence Sternes A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy (1768) entitled La Souriciere. The Mousetrap. A Facetious and Sentimental Excursion through part of Austrian Flanders and France (1794) by Timothy Touchit.

This work was translated into many languages under various different titles, appearing in English as A Dialogue between a Married Woman and a Maid in various editions.

and A Weekend Visit by Anon; Pleasure Bound Afloat (1908), Pleasure Bound Ashore (1909) and Maudie (1909) by Anon (probably George Reginald Bacchus); Manuel de civilit pour les petites filles lusage des maisons dducation (1917) and Trois filles de leur mre (1926) by Pierre Louys;

20th century erotic fiction includes such classics of the genre as: Suburban Souls (1901), published by Carrington and possibly written by him also;

One of the 19th centurys foremost poets–Algernon Charles Swinburnedevoted much of his considerable talent to erotic verse, producing, inter alia, twelve eclogues on flagellation titled The Flogging Block by Rufus Rodworthy, annotated by Barebum Birchingly;

In the 19th century, the sensational journalism of W. T. Steads The Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon (1885) about the procuring of underage girls into the brothels of Victorian London provided a stimulus for the erotic imagination. Steads account was widely translated and the revelation of padded rooms for the purpose of stifling the cries of the tortured victims of lust and brutality and the symbolic figure of The Minotaur of London confirmed European observers worst imaginings about Le Sadisme anglais and inspired erotic writers to write of similar scenes set in London or involving sadistic English gentlemen. Such writers include DAnnunzio in Il Piacere, Paul-Jean Toulet in Monsieur de Paur (1898), Octave Mirbeau in Jardin des Supplices (1899) and Jean Lorrain in Monsieur de Phocas (1901).

Choriers Dialogues of Luisa Sigea goes a bit further than its predecessors in this genre and has the older female giving practical instruction of a lesbian nature to the younger woman plus recommending the spiritual and erotic benefits of a flogging from willing members of the holy orders.

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A well known 21st century work in this genre is The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl(2005) by Belle de Jour.

Originally, in England, erotic or ographic publications were the concern of the ecclesiastical courts. After the Reformation the jurisdiction of these courts declined in vour of the Crown which licensed every printed book. Prosecutions of books for their erotic content alone were rare and works which attacked the church or state gave much more concern to the authorities than erotica or obscene libel as it was then known. For instance the Licensing Act of 1662 was aimed generally at heretical, seditious, schismatical or offensive books of pamphlets rather than just erotica per se. Even this Licensing Act was allowed to lapse in 1695 and no attempt made to renew it.

In his diary Samuel Pepys records reading and (in an often ed passage) masturbating over this work.

French collections include Les Muses gaillardes (1606) Le Cabinet satyrique (1618) and La Parnasse des poetes satyriques (1622).

In the late 18th century, such works as Justine, or the Misfortunes of Virtue and 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade were exemplars of the theme of sado-masochism and influenced later erotic accounts of Sadism and masochism in fiction. De Sade (as did the later writer Sacher-Masoch) lent his name to the ual acts which he describes in his work.

In the Victorian period, the quality of erotic fiction was much below that of the previous centuryit was largely written by hacks. Some works, however, borrowed from established literary models, such as Dickens. It also featured a curious form of social stratification. Even in the throes of orgasm, the social distinctions between master and servant (including form of address) were scrupulously observed. Significant elements of sado-masochism were present in some examples, perhaps reflecting the influence of the English public school, where flagellation was routinely used as a punishment.

Harriss List of Covent Garden LadiesProstitution was the focus of much of the earliest erotic works. The very term ography is derived from the Greek ographos meaning the writing of prostitutes, originally denoting descriptions of the lives and manners of prostitutes and their customers in Ancient Greece. According to Athenaeus in The Deipnosophists these constituted a considerable genre, with many lubricious treatises, stories and dramas on the subject.

From the medieval period, we have the Decameron (1353) by the Italian Giovanni Boccaccio (made into a film by Pasolini) which features tales of lechery by monks and the seduction of nuns from convents. This book was banned in many countries. Even five centuries after puerotic story Erotic literatureblication copies were seized and destroyed by the authorities in the USA and the UK. For instance between 1954 and 1958 eight orders for destruction of the book were made by English magistrates.

where he proceeded to publish Astartean early collection of erotic verse already marked by his distinctive elegance and refinement of style. He followed up in 1894 with another erotic collection in 143 prose poems–Songs of Bilitis (Les Chansons de Bilitis), this time with strong lesbian themes.

An important and entertaining conspectus and evaluation of 19th century (pre-1885) and earlier underground erotica, from the authors own private archive, is provided by Victorian writer Henry Spencer Ashbee in his bibliographical trilogy Index Librorum Prohibitorum (1877), Centuria Librorum Absconditorum (1879) and Catena Librorum Tacendorum (1885). His plot summaries of the works he discusses in these privately printed volumes are themselves a contribution to the genre. Originally of very limited circulation, changing attitudes have led to his work now being widely available.

Medallion portrait of Casanova, engraving by Berka, used as frontispiece for Icosameron (1788)Erotic memoirs include Casanovas Histoire de ma vie, from the 18th century. Notable English works of this genre from the 19th century include The Ups and Downs of Life (1867) by Edward Sellon and My Secret Life by Walter. Edward Sellon was a writer, translator and illustrator of erotic literature who wrote erotica for the ographic publisher William Dugdale, including such works as The New Epicurean (1865).

sexy story Sota is Sexy

Nonot those kind of plans. My husbands Thursday night agenda including watching a video on the iPad and laughing hysterically while tickling me, draping his limbs across my exhausted body and repeatedly rolling over.  He also felt it was the perfect time to repeatedly bring up the topic of dogs with missing limbs.

(Againkeep in mind that this is coming from a girl who hasnt showered in two days and is contemplating eating a muffin the size of her ce for dinner.)

Beautiful. The color and fit are flawless. Her hair is dreamy and she really does look like Jessica Rabbit. That being said, I feel like everyone is doing the Old Hollywood Glamour thing and I would have loved to see her in something more risky.

Richard is a good mily friend who attends my Dads church in Tacoma. A few weeks ago, he was kind enough to send me a Facebook message informing me he had come across a surplus of mannequins at work and wanted to know if I would like one.

Side note: can we talk about how bulous her hair was when she took it down for the performance?? If I had hair like that I would just walk around naked so nothing distracted from it. (After it had grown long and voluminous enough to function as full-coverage hair clothing, that is.)

I guess what Im trying to say iswelcome  back, dairy. Ive missed you terribly.

Zoe Saldana in Alexis Mabille

Overjoyed by Richards generosity, I instantly took him up on his offer. He was even kind enough to ship the parts to me! (The arms and hands came firstthe torso arrived the following day.)

Im sorry, Katrinabut this is a whole new level of crazy. Even for you. That litter box is never going to work, and you just need to accept it.

Youve officially been warned.

It took a mere fifteen minutes to completely clean my plate. While Scott finished his sandwich, I discretely grabbed the dessert menu.

Me: They got hungry.

Whatever the case may be, I cant help but feel a little bit empty knowing it all came and went so quickly. My only glimmer of hope? Realizing that its completely acceptable to be overly critical of our vorite A-listers shion choices for at least another five days. The hackers may have kept me a little behind schedulebut today Im out in full force, ready to talk hemlines, hairdos and haute couture.

Stacy Kiebler in Naeem Khan

Me: Yes. Yes I do.


The red head is Jolie, Katrinas best friend and secretary. Shes guilty of sleeping (and rting) on the job, but when you pay someone in peanut butter and belly rubs, you cant exactly complain about their narcolespy…or flatulence.

Alrightone, we dont even own a cat, I responded defensively, and twoIm doing this for the sake of our baby!

I nodded quietly.

Mission accomplished.

Maria Menounos in Romona Keveza

Me: Well, can I get dessert?

(Similar to a hot messjust more morbid.)

Allow me to explain that Jolie isnt your average dog. She avoids getting dirty at all costs, refusing to step in puddles, mud, or anything else thats sticky, messy or gooey. While most dogs roll around in (and sometimes even eat!) their own waste, Jolie is petrified of poop. Still, I felt that if I just left it in there a little bit longer, she would eventually come around.

Lets just say its been my goal to posses one of these things since that Christmas movie where Olivia Newton John played the mannequin Mom. (I also took it as a huge compliment than when a bulk order of mannequins popped up, I was the first person that came to mind.)

Me: Scotttheres seriously nothing on this menu that I can order. I told you I didnt want to come here.

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

I also love that you not only wore the dress to present the Oscar but also to attend the governors dinner that evening. You could have changedbut you are low-maintenance and thats why we adore you. (On a semi-related notedid you know her dress sparked a bit of controversy in Iran?)

ScottIm not mad or upsetbut Im going to go sleep in the guest room. I really have to get some sleep, and this way you can still watch your video.

I would expect nothing less of Tim and Helena, and trulyI dont think Id have it any other way.

And it was delicious.

(But dont worry. Im still not touching ranch dressing with a ten-foot pole.)

For the Winter edition of Young House Loves Pinterest Challenge, I knew I didnt want to actually make anything.  (Lets ce itIm not the most gifted crafter. I think we all know how the last challenge turned out.)

Anne Hatthaway in Prada

No, not those kind of emails! Subscribe and get the lastest posts delivered straight to your inbox.

Me: I know its not easy to be vegan in Smalltown. But doing the right thing isnt always easy, Scott! Im not going to compromise my principles for the sake of convenience!

After your dog pees in the litter box once, they will return to the box each time they need to eliminate.

Jennifer is having such a moment right now. Her transformation over the past few years has been nothing short of amazing. The fit, color and sparkle of this gown are so gorgeous. I love her sleek hair and thick bangs. (If only she had chosen something like this when she actually won her Oscar. I dont even want to think about that strange metallic jacket she donned in 2007.)

Not only do I still have to take Jolie outside in below zero temperaturesIve now forked over sixty bucks for a ke grass litter box that smells like the urine of three different animals.

Yes, you read me right, fox urine training spray. (Dont worry. The spray bottle definitely didnt explode in the package while in transit to our apartment. I most certainly didnt get it all over my hands, vorite sweater and new area rug when opening the box from the UPS man. And I absolutely did not freak out, diagnose myself with fox urine Weils disease as a result of the exposure, and call Scott in a panic until he assured me that the fox pee was sterile and disease free. No. That would be ridiculous.)

Naomi Watts in Armani Prive

Miss Pepto Bismol 2013

Gold and sparkly. Me likey.

I think Charlize might just be the most beautiful woman on the planet. I still cant figure out how they made her so ugly in Monster. This gown is sheer perfection on her it kind of makes me want to hack all of my hair off and grow seven inches taller. (Unfortunately, I would look less like Charlize and more like Anne Hatthaways character in Les Misonly chubbier and with sparser eyebrows.)

When he asked me, Dont you think Jamaezel would totally own a dog with only three legs? for the third time, I knew I had to move to the guest room.

Charlize Theron in Dior Haute Couture

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She should just quit her hosting job and join The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast, already.

Its high time I came clean and fessed up to lling off the vegan bandwagon.

Dont worryIm not pen pals with the ice truck killer or anything. These plastic limbs were sent to me by my buddy Richard.

Nooooooooo! Dont leeeeeave me!!!!

Jane Fonda in Versace

And soif last Saturday you saw a young couple and their chihuahua, pulled over on the side of Interstate 94 frantically shaking things off in the snowwellnow you know why.

(And yesI did make my class this morning. I woke up to find Scott still asleep in bed.Sheila had been carefully moved to the floor.)

Since my ll from veganism theres been a zealous parade of cheeseburgers, shrimp, yogurt and bacon marching straight into my hungry little mouth. But it hasnt been all fun and  fro-yo Im still trying to incorporate lots of plant foods into my diet, and am continuing to prepare several vegan meals at home. Stilla life without cheese is something I just dont think Im cut out for.

But Jolies not the same. Scott argued.

Elegant and prettybut I feel like she always does something like this. Would have loved to have seen it in a jewel tone.

I have no idea who theyre wearing, but they look a cold mess.

Me: All the salads are covered with meat, cheese and ranch dressing. I swear, ranch dressing is like, a religion here.

(Plus, being the first blogger to post about red carpet shion is akin to Jessica Chastain the mistake of showing up to the red carpet early on Sunday. The very first rule of bulousness is being shionably late, right?)

Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani Junior

Get it together, Jolie. Seriouslywho stops to eat a Greenie while walking the carpet?

Scott: Just get a salad.

Nicole Kidman in L-Wren Scott

At the end of it all, I feel truly ashamed for letting the Little Rascal get inside my head. Who knew a grass box and spray bottle filled with fox urine could be so psychologically damaging? Scotts remarks made me realize I had in ct become a crazy cat lady, who didnt actually own a cat. (Which is clearly, the worst crazy cat lady species of all.)

Ish hit the n in a major way the night Scott insisted we go to a local steakhouse for supper. No matter how long I stared at the menu, there just wasnt anything offered that I was allowed to eat.

Scott: No. You dont need dessert.

Would I like one?

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture

(Side note: I couldnt remember what Stacey was mous forother than dating Georgeso I Googled her. Did you know that prior to her DWTS days she was a professional wrestler for the WWE?!)

During a work conference call, I coaxed Jolie into her crate, the patch of ke grass nestled snugly beneath her. I secured her inside, closed the door, and returned to my office for the call. While the crate is usually a happy place for Little JoJo, she most certainly did not like the addition of the stinky grass. I hope to God my colleagues on the other line couldnt hear the unearthly sounds she was emitting from that crate in the other room. It was like a chihuahua excorcismbut instead of an evil spirit, I was simply trying to extract a little bit of dog pee.

Shortly after, I took the litter box outside, emptying its shameful contents into our buildings dumpster. Truly, I had reached a new low.

Attention Pinterest Challenge Participants: Youve probably come here in hopes of finding a creative method for upholstering headboards with old pairs of underwear, or to discover a quirky way to repurpose wine corks. Instead, youre about to read 2,052 words on the subject of dog pee.

Fine. I conceded, Ill stay herebut you have to let me get some sleep, okay?

1. I live in Minnesotathe land of butter, cheese and more butter.

(I also love her sassy attitude. Shes like the miniature version of Tyra Banks except way less annoying, and with a much more proportionate forehead.)

Ive since decided to name her Sheila. While determining a moniker was enough, I cant for the life of me figure out what I actually want to do with Sheila. Spray paint her white and display her as an art form? Dress her up in a bikini and gaze at her for workout motivation? Position her in the window with a strategically placed steak knife as a makeshift security system? The possibilities are infinite. (Suggestions are obviously welcome in the comment section.)

Something tells me knocking on the neighbors door and asking their pup to pee on a mat isnt the most socially graceful msexy story Sota is Sexyove. (Not to mention the ct that Jolie recently bit Harley in the ce. I don think he or his owner are in the mood to do us any urination vors.)

Me: Souhwanna get dessert?

Halle Berry in Elie Saab

Scott: See? I told you. Youre just hours away from an ice cream binge.

Me: Yeahbut then its just a plate of iceberg lettuce with a few tomatoes. I dont do iceberg, Scott.

Pretty color and nice detailing, but it kind of looks like shes going to the Hollywood prom.

This plastic lady  has quickly become the apple of my eye. I may or may not have grabbed her and shown her to a coworker during a video conference yesterday. Even Jolies warming up to the idea of having a new woman in the house.

Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter

I feel as if Ive become desensitized to the perfection that is Nicole Kidman. She looks absolutely flawlessbut Im not crazy about the neckline and the swirls are a little juvenile. (Keep in mind this is coming from someone with greasy hair and blackberry seeds in her teeth who is currently wearing a coffee-stained sweater.)

Me: Do you think Ranchology is the new Scientology would make a good bumper sticker?

Keep the litter box indoors to start with. Make sure you praise and reward your dog for using, or even standing inside the litter box.

Two words: dog purse.

Jennifer Hudson in Roberto Cavalli

Things quickly went downhill from here. What Im about to share with you is humiliating, shameful, and downright ridiculous. (Its truly amazing what someone will do to avoid taking their dog outside in -12 degree weather at eleven-o-clock-at night.)

Our next tactic was simply not taking Jolie outside. Shed have to go eventually, and when she did, there was a grassy box full of Harleys scent with her name on it. It was bound to work.

Photos from E! Online and Us Weekly

We let Jolie finish her business before hopping into the car, and beginning our road trip. Jolie seemed happy, energetic, and excited to be going for a ride. With the music blasting and the sun shining, things seemed to be going swimmingly.

(Translation? Jolie pooped all up in the Corolla. Infected areas included my shoulder, the dog crate, and her ux-fur sleeping bag.)

Im just thankful none of the neighbors were outside while Scott and I carefully excavated three different patches of yellow snow with our bare hands. (Nope, we still dont own a shovel.) We carefully placed the yellow treasures inside the Little Rascal, washed our hands, and presented the new and improved box of smells to Jolie.

I assumed wrong. Oh so very wrong.

On Wednesday morning, I received a very special package in the mail.

There were only two problems.

The day after the Academy Awards feels a lot like the day after your birthday. Youve been waiting and waiting for so long, only for all of the glamour and excitement to whiz by in a ridiculously expensive, champagne-fueled blur. Is it strange that I feel mildly depressed once the Oscars have come to a close? Maybe its the knowledge that I have to wait another 364 days for the ultimate red carpet, perhaps its realizing Ill never make to the best (or even worst) dressed list, or maybe Im just devastated that there will be no more Seth McFarlane boob songs.

Scott: I know. So? Just ask them to take the meat and cheese off, and get a vinaigrette instead. Its not that difficult.

Amanda Seyfried in Alexander McQueen

All of this seemed enough. Yet as Im sure is common knowledge by this point, just because something is doesnt mean I wont royally screw it up. Still, I was feeling hopeful. I took a deep breath, moved the Little Squirt indoors, and called Jolie over to get acquainted with her new toilet.

(And not just a little lllike, a break your back paralyzed from the waist down ll.)

Stunning and elegant. She looks as if shes been wrapped in a delicate,New York Asian Escorts ethereal cloud. (I cant even imagine her that poop pie in The Help because this dress is so darn classy.) I wish Adele would have worn something similar.

Catherine Zeta Jones in Zuhair Murad

This dress is so modern and looked even better on live TV. I also love that Giuliana had the balls to chop all her hair off the morning of the Oscars. (Lets be honesther Kardashian-esque extensions were getting a little ridiculous.) Truly, my only criticism is that homegirl needs to eat a sandwich.

Adele in Jenny Packham

I think my friend Kayla put it best when she asked why T-Boz had been invited to the Academy Awards.

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu

While sticking to my plant-based diet at home was irly , dining out was nearly impossible. It was getting to the point where I would simply order french fries or onion rings as they were the only things on the menu without any animal products. Is it just me or does eating 2,000 calories of fried onions seem completely counterintuitive to the concept of a healthy vegan lifestyle?

But being the stubborn dog mom that I am, I decided to move on to crate training. It was the one method that every pin, website and online tutorial promised would work.

But I was already tucked into the guest bed, just moments away from blissful slumber. Hed have to deal with Sheila on his own.

I love the structure and sleekness of this. It pairs beautifully with her short hair and makes me want to steal her body and attach my head to it. (If such a thing is actually possible.) She looks like a divain a good way.

Flapper chic. Im not sure which is betterthe dress or the man! Although George could use a shave and some Just for Men gel. Sorrysomebody had to say it.

Giuliana Ranci in Rael Cennamo

You guys. This woman is seventy-five years old. She should be in a retirement home! Instead, sexy story shes trotting around in canary yellow Versace the rest of us look bad.  I meanshe clearly has way less cellulite and wrinkles than my sorry 28-year-old self. (I think I just got inspired to pop in an old workout VHS and start doing some leg lifts.)

(Fine. I suppose I can kind of see how that kind of sounded like something a crazy cat lady might say.)

Fast forward to last night. I had met a friend for a drink and was returning home rather late. I wanted to wake up early for a class at the gym, so lling asleep quickly was of the utmost importance. Naturally, Scott had other plans.

Scott: KatrinaI admire your dedication to this diet, but youve got to realize that it simply isnt practical for where we live. You need to exercise a little bit of moderation here. I agree that its not good to eat meat and dairy all of the timebut when were out at a restaurant, its kind of impossible to find a healthy vegan option. Youre always so polarized with these thingseither youre one-hundred percent vegan, or strung out on a 3-day ice cream binge. You just need to be a little more reasonable and find some middle ground. And no. I dont think that would be a good bumper sticker.

What the heck, Katrina?! This is something a crazy cat lady would do! he exclaimed.

I took that as a no.

I suppose I should have taken this as the sign it truly was that Jolie simply wasnt meant to pee in a box.

Moments later, I heard something along the lines of Get her out of herethis is really creepy, Katrina!

Michelle Obama in Naeem Khan

Scott: Katrina the cheesecake slices here are the the size of your head. Plusyou were vegan, like, thirty minutes ago. And now you want a mammoth-sized dessert made entirely of dairy?

Me: But I really want a piece of cheesecake.

Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta

While I loved the architectural neckline, this look doesnt work on her at all. It hides her best assets, makes her look 3 feet talland the hair is nothing short of disastrous.

Nancy ODell in Mark Zunino

(On the bright side, I think I just found my Spring Pinterest Challenge project.)

This may have been my vorite dress of the night. I love that Zoe takes risks and chooses unique and interesting pieces. The detailing? The belt? The layered ombre hemline? Sublime. (And lets not forget her rocking figure.) I probably should be jealous, but instead I just want to do a celebratory cart-wheel.

After realizing we probably werent going to convince Jolie to piddle on the mat, Scott had a second genius idea. She always goes straight to the spot where Harley the neighbor doog peesI bet if we could get him to go on the mat, shed be trained in an instant!

Little did I know our tiny chihuahua was capable of controlling her bladder for thirty-six hours. She could practically win Americas Got Talent with such a skill! I suppose well never know how long shes capable of holding it, because at hour 37, the time had come for a trip to St. Cloud. The three of us were going together, and on the way to the car, Jolie finally relieved herself in the snowy grass. She must have peed for thirty seconds straight, which made me feel impressed, proud and incredibly guilty, all at the same time.

Jolie Taylor in knock-off Marchesa from Wal-Mart

I call this post-modern cleavage, and am obsessed with how modern and geometric it is. So different from what the other actresses chose, and I applaud that.

In one final fit of desperation, I tried to convince Scott toumuse the litter box.

After spraying the grass at least ten dozen times with the bottle of fox pee, I realized Jolie didnt actually care for the smell of it. Luckily, Scott had the ingenious idea of taking her outside and slyly sliding the grass insert underneath her while she went so it would be marked with her scent. Unfortunately, Jolies distaste for the ke grass combined with her agility resulted in a somewhat impressive (yet ultimately frustrating) display of her walking on her front legs across a patch of ice while peeing everywhere except the grass. It looked similar to a really demented circus act.

FLOTUS, you never cease to amaze me. I love your dress, your arms, your bangsand most importantly, your loyalty to J. Crew.

Jessica Chastain in Armani Prive

Thats when it hit me. I grabbed Sheila from the office, tucked her into bed, and carefully draped Scotts arm around her. There. You can pretend shes me. I explained.

To be irI made it seven days without engaging in sed ice cream binge. And I didnt even order the cheesecake that night! (But only because Scott told the waitress I was diabetic. Whatever.)

Fortunately, after hours of trolling Pinterest for something that didnt require glitter or a hot glue gun, I stumbled across this little gem of a pin.

Some of you may recall how I swore off animal products the week before Christmas after watching this documentary. Please realize that my intentions were as pure as the organic broccoli I ate by the bowl-full. I even brought my own vegan-friendly food to my mother-in-laws house to eat over Christmas!

Admitting defeat, I moved the unpleasantly fragrant litter box back out to the deck, coming to terms with the ct that I would now have to somehow sanitize it, paint it a more vibrant color, and turn it into a planter for some beautiful flowers come springtime.

Salma Hayek in Elie Saab

But my oh-so-resourceful husband was one step ahead of me. Katrinahe doesnt have to actually pee on the mat. Ill just go outside, dig up some of his yellow snow, and set it in the litter box to melt. Its essentially the same thing.

Problem one? Jolie was actually afraid of the litter box. How a seven-pound dog who bravely jumps from moving bicycles and attacks pit bulls without thinking twice can be terrified of a tiny grass box boggles my mind. Fortunately, after a great deal of coaxing (and the promise of treats) Jolie finally learned it was okay to stand inside the Rascal.

Jolie was about to get litter box trained. It truly was the perfect project, if you think about it. Her dainty chihuahua paws are no match for a Minnesota winter, and putting on her ncy new booties each time we venture out into the frozen tundra for a potty break has started getting really old.

Scott: (Eye roll)

Clearly, I married this man for his mind.

After assembling the Little Squirt on our back deck, I returned to Pinterest for advice on how to actually begin the training process. These were the tips I learned:

Scott: Thats even worse than iceberg and ranch dressing. Plus, whatever happened to yourwhat did you call them? Oh yeahyour principles?

This time, it was my turn to come up with our next tactic. Maybe if there was poop inside the box she would realize it was okay to go? I suggested. Scott rolled his eyes, but I didnt let that stop me. The next time Jolie went outside, I collected her droppings in one of our pink designer dog bags, and secretly brought it inside, emptying its contents into the box.

She slowly sniffed it, hopped inside, and looked up at us, waiting patiently for her treat. Somehow she still hadnt grasped the concept of peeing inside the darn thing. Yet in the spirit of positive reinforcement, we gave her the treat, and went back to the drawing board.

A lot of people loved this dress, but Ive come to expect more from Amanda. The color and pattern feel too old for her, and the neckline paired with her up-do screams 2001 suburban mall shion show.

 How many times do we have to tell you, Anne? Your headlights are not a trend!!! 

OkayI love you Scott, and I wouldnt be doing this if it wasnt for the ct that I have to wake up super earlybut I really need to go sleep in the other room. Im sorry.

Katrina! Scott exclaimed. Not only are you going to make me pee in the Little Rascalyour going to force the dog to watch?!?

Thirty minutes later, the smell happened.

Seven days later, she still hasnt used the freaking box. Im assuming that after nine years of being told its only okay to go outside, her doggie brain cant be rewired to use Little Squirt.

Jolie. I responded. Duh.

Psst! Episode 7 of the podcast is livelisten here!

Heres the part where I mention that all of this happened while Scott was out-of-town for a weekend snowboarding trip. Imagine his surprise when he returned home on Sunday evening, only to discover I had been storing dog turds in the r corner of the dining room.

Would I like one?

The conversation went on for a good fifteen minutes. I think the waitress was afraid to take our order as it appeared we were in the middle of a divorce. Eventually, I gave into Scotts nagging. Perhaps it was my distaste for all things iceberg, or maybe I was just rage hungry as Scott had insulted my bumper sticker concept. Whatever the case may be, I surrendered to my cravings and ordered the Walleye dinner with a side of mashed potatoes and teriyaki green beans.

Ive got to admitwhen I first saw her arrive, I wasnt a n. After seeing a shot of her from the waist up, I may or may not have uttered the words, She looks like a middle-aged bride!

I must admit that this wouldnt be our first attempt at litter box training. Scott and I had tried (unsuccessfully) to teach Jolie to pee indoors while living in Upstate New York. But this time? This time things would be different. This time we had the Little Rascal.

And then I saw the shape of the entire dress, which was kind of amazing. I also love her backwards necklace and the ct that she fell. Who doesnt love a girl who lls during the biggest moment of her life and then just shakes it off? While I do prefer her hair darker, the ct that she biffed it on the stairs and then made a joke about it totally makes up for that.

All of the snuggling, without any of the nagging!

Scott: No way, Im too full.

But who am I going to snuggle with? Scott cried out despondently.

The silky and blendable formula of our Baked Eyeshadow provides smooth and even application with each sweep of color. Baked in an oven, these eyeshadows offer rich pigmentation for a beautiful effect. Infused with active key ingredients Jojoba, Rose, Sunf

Five minutes later, the tickling resumed.

We opted for the little squirt model. Complete with a machine-washable grass insert and bottle of fox urine training spray!

2. I love me some seafood.

Yes, I allowed dog feces to sit in a litter box in my apartment for upwards of two days. We didnt have company and it was hidden in the corner, so I assumed it would be fine. I also assumed it would finally prompt the snuggle pooch to just eliminate in the freaking rascal box, already! 

This is the story of Katrina. A web-designing, cupcake-eating, fitness-instructing Seattleite who finds herself moving to rural Minnesota and working from home.

I have officially iled the Pinterest litter box challenge.

The second the call ended, I returned to the crate room to check on Jolies progress. Much to my delight, the method had worked! Jolie had eliminated on the grass, forever marking it with her scent. Never have I been so overjoyed at the sight of dog pee! I showered her with praise, fed her two treats, and moved the litter box back to its location in the corner of the dining room. Surely, shed know to use it now that it was marked as her territory.

For adult dogs, the best method is crate training. Leave them inside the crate with their litter box, forcing them to eventually use it. Once it has been marked with their scent, theyll know to use the litter box in the future.

Kelly Rowland in Donna Karan Atelier

Maybe if she sees you using it, shell know its okay! I pleaded.

Adelethis is the same thing you always wear. You are a beautiful girl and I just want to see your arms!!

Crush Hollywoods Next Generation? sexy story

birthday ever ever ever!

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La Toya Jackson Talks Wild And Mean-Spirited Fellow Contestants On All-Star Celebrity Apprentice

The 10-year-old son of Victoria and David Beckham has been unveiled as the adorable new ce of Burberrys spring/summer 2013 ad campaign. Outfitted in a mini trench and clutching one of the companys signature plaid umbrellas, the happy-go-lucky kid strikes an animated pose like hes ready to go Singin in the Rain.

Zendaya Coleman On Joining Dancing With The Stars Season 16: How Is She Going To Shake It Up?

Dude, have you seen Tom Cruises son Connor in his first big movie role? The 17-year-old stars alongside Chris Thor Hemsworth and The Hunger Games Josh Hutcherson in the remake of the 1984 movie Red Dawn, which is about a group of teens attempting to save their town from North Korean soldiers. From this clip, which youll find exclusively on omg!, sexy story, we cant decide whether Connor is more of an action star in the style of his dads Mission Impossible character Ethan Hunt, Top Guns Maverick, or one of the many, many other indestructible heroes Tom Cruise has played. What we do know, however, is that the scene inexplicably makes us want to eat fresh

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Taylor Swifts 23rd Birthday Includes Fun With Harry Styles, a Golden Globe Nomination, and a Video Release

Kendall Jenner, 17, and her younger sister, 15-year-old Kylie, didnt let their underage status keep them from enjoying Las Vegas over the weekend. The Kardashian siblings made a Saturday appearance at the Kardashian Khaos store at the Mirage Hotel and Casino, where ns can buy everything from a $35 T-shirt that says Khloes My Fave to a $25 Christmas ornament with a picture of the entire KCrush Hollywoods Next Generation? sexy storyeeping Up With the Kardashians mily. The girls donned skinny pants,NY Escort Service blazers, and heels outfits that Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe would certainly give a thumbs up! as they met with some of their many ns.

Hannah Montana is all grown up! Its hard to believe that Miley Cyrus is only turning 20 as shes been acting much older for years. After rising to mega me as a Disney star, Cyrus took the path that many other child actors have and rebelled against her saccharine-sweet persona. Between ing up her image, joking that she was a pot head, getting engaged to Liam Hemsworth, and, most recently, chopping off her long beautiful locks, she always keeps us on our toes. In honor of her 20

Romeo Beckham is ready for his close up!

The country crooner woke up Thursday to learn that she has been nominated for a Golden Globe for her song Safe &ust below a wrist tattoo of the word strong; under a cross on the side of her hand … and those are only about half of 20-year-old Lovatos permanent tattoos! Yes, people, she has a problem.

Taylor Twilight Lautner and Patrick son of Arnold Schwarzenegger have become friends after working together on the upcoming movie Grown Ups 2. The duo were seen playing football with a group of pals, including Lautners on-again, off-again girlfriend from high school, Sara Hicks, in Calabasas, California, on Sunday.

birthday on November 23, omg! takes a look back at her five most jaw-dropping moments when she was just being Miley.

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